Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme
Late-night's leading comedians devoted the airtime mocking President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.
Colbert's Witty Spin
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."
The subject was the new initiative which enables overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. The program's page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."
"One note for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.
"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly qualify to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."
"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.